1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If youre still alive, its because Chuck Norris loves you.

6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.

9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.

14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

18. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.